MIKEY BELL

Cold, crunchy, aggressive.

Three words to be written on my tombstone? Perhaps, but also three words to summarise, what I happen to think of as, the best side salad ever.

I had to stop thinking that salad = leaves, because to me, a salad is basically any assembly of vegetable, and this one in particular is not only an assembly of vegetables, but the perfect thing to cut through a meal.

It’s a bizarre little salad because while it is sour and sharp and yes, aggressive, it also never overwhelms or overpowers anything it accompanies. It just provides the perfect balance, especially texturally, with it’s audible crunch.

Now the bashing isn’t just for bashing’s sake, the bashing creates these wonderful, craggy edges that hold a dressing, so that every bite tastes like a party, rather than of the cool blandness of plain sliced cucumbers, wonderful though they can be in the right circumstance.

I’ve made this so many times, and sometimes I make an abundance of it because it is just a truly lovely light lunch, but it does also serve a purpose.

I’m thinking about spooned on the side of:

A buttermilk roast chicken or even some crispy pork chops

A beautiful piece of fish

Noodles. Ooh yes, I’m thinking some thick, sriracha soused, egg noodles tangled with some fresh coriander

A rice bowl. This one being my go-to.

And it’s also endlessly adaptable. Below is my go-to each time, but think of it as a framework, something you can nudge into different direction depending what you’re cooking or what you have in the fridge.

Some thoughts:

Vinegar – I go with red wine vinegar because I love how it pairs with red onion but rice vinegar would be a more apt addition, really. Apple cider would work, even some white distilled vinegar, but I would recommend a generous squeeze of lime, in this case.

Oil – I like the sesame for it’s nuttiness, but you could just omit and add a really fruity extra-virgin olive oil.

Onion – the red onion is perfect for me, but some spring onion cut into a long diagonal strips or even some thinly sliced shallot would be good.

Heat – it needs just a tiny kick of something, so I go for red chilli flakes but if you want it more full throttle, some thinly sliced fresh chilli would be great.

Herbs – I keep mine without, it certainly makes it punchier through, so if you have some dill, coriander, or mint in the fridge ready to be used up, this is where to add them.

Honestly can’t recommend it enough.

I made this the other night on the side of this buttery slow-roasted salmon and served it along some simple boiled rice and the beautiful balance on the plate was so wonderfully surprising.

It has this kind of… sushi-style taste to it, which is so refreshing and feels somewhat necessary on the plate for balance.

It’s a fridge staple for me now, I won’t lie.

Serves 2 – 4 as a side

2 large cucumbers

1 tsp sea salt

1 small red onion

1 stick celery

1 tbs red wine vinegar

1 tsp honey

1 tbs flavourless oil (like vegetable)

1 tsp soy sauce (to taste)

1 tbs sesame oil (to taste)

1 tsp sesame seeds

1. First prepare your vegetables. Lay a cucumber flat on a board and gently, but with a little confidence, bash the cucumbers with a rolling pin or the flat or a knife until the begin to split and crack – but don’t pulverise them. Cut the bashed cucumber into bite-size chunks and add to a large bowl.
2. Sprinkle in the salt, stir, and then cover the bowl and leave for about 10 – 15 minutes to let the water draw out of the cucumber.
3. During this time, thinly slice the red onion (I like them super thin, so much prefer a mandolin for this) and the celery (I like long thin strips cut diagonally).
4. Back to the cucumbers. Drain the bowl of the excess cucumber liquid (don’t throw this away – add it to a Bloody Mary on a gin-based martini) and then add the onion and celery to the cucumber.
5. Add the red wine vinegar, honey, flavourless oil, soy sauce, sesame oil, and sesame seeds with a twist of black pepper and stir together until all vegetables are coated in the dressing.
6. Taste and tweak for your preference, adjusting your acidity levels with the vinegar, sweetness with honey, oil for richness, and soy sauce for depth, as preferred.
7. Keep covered in the fridge until ready to serve. It’s best eaten within 24 hours only because it will still be crunchy and punchy, but as time goes on, the cucumbers will release more water, making the texture softer.